What Does It Feel Like to Have Bipolar Disorder?

Now that we’ve discussed the more clinical side of bipolar disorder, it’s helpful to talk about it in terms of how it affects people’s lives. What does it actually feel like to have bipolar disorder?

Every human experiences emotional times. Some people are more emotional by nature. For instance, some people may cry after watching a touching commercial.

Some people may be very in tune with other people’s feelings and may naturally go through a range of emotions during the day.

A change in a person’s emotions does not mean that they’re bipolar. Bipolar disorder is not simply a passing feeling of happiness or sadness.

It’s an intense feeling that is persistent and negatively impacts major areas of the person’s life.

These intense feelings last for hours, days, weeks, or even months and they’re not only intense and persistent, but they also feel uncontrollable.

What Having Bipolar Feels Like in People’s Own Words

These snippets and explanations come from a variety of sources and can give a glimpse into what it’s like to live with bipolar disorder.

Each example is simply a snapshot of what it’s like to have bipolar disorder, and not a full account of their life.

Still, it can be helpful in understanding the major impact that this disorder has on the way a person feels and functions in life.

Anonymous Man in Healthline Interview

In an interview with Healthline, one man describes what it feels like to experience mania. In his opinion, this feeling can be a positive experience.

The mania part is awesome. I have tons of energy and don’t want to stop.

The best part of mania is that I’m so optimistic about everything. You could crash a car through my house and I’d reply, “What a great time to build something new!”

I’m my most creative during this process, so I’m doing as much as possible to capitalize on it. Artistic or constructive, I’m up for anything.

He then goes on to explain the negative effects of experiencing mania:

Unfortunately, this is when I go out more, spend all my money, and drink too much. I’ve been in a few fistfights during my mania, but it’s not because I was really angry. Getting into a fight at a bar with some dude twice my size is exhilarating.

I know it’s destructive, but it’s the greatest form of entertainment because it’s raw, tough, and totally dangerous. I’ve yet to be seriously hurt in one of these fights, so I keep escalating each time. It’s like a game to me.

He describes his feelings of bipolar depression in this way:

When I’m depressed, I want to be left alone. It’s not that I want to be by myself; I want everyone to disappear. I don’t want to go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything. It’s like no matter what I do, people are telling me I’m doing something wrong. So, the easiest way to feel better is to hide.
 
Experiences in Interviews With the Mental Health Foundation

The Mental Health Foundation collected a series of quotes from people with bipolar explaining what it felt like to have this disorder.

One woman in her 30s described it this way, “The impact has been massive. It disrupted education, disadvantaged my career, and decimated my relationships.”

Another man in his 40s explains,

My first major episode had a big impact in my life, I lost my job, my marriage broke down, I struggled with relationships, and lost any sense of who I was. At times suicide seemed the only real option. Fortunately, recovery and relearning about myself have brought its rewards and I have a good life today.

A woman in her 20s shares,

It's shaped my life because I became unwell in my teens, which resulted in me dropping out of school. Becoming unwell at such a critical period in my life shaped my self-image and I struggle with social anxiety.

Episodes can be pretty destructive, and it means I find it very difficult to take anything for granted – no matter how well my life is going, I know I can get ill and it can be wiped out, as it has been many times before. I put off having children for a long time because I was frightened of getting ill.

The positive aspects are that when I started blogging about it, I tapped into an entire network of people who had felt the same, who were living with all, and it gave me hope.
Video Interview With Goodful

A young woman named Becca Brown did a video with Goodful in which she describes her experiences with bipolar II disorder.

Her mood disturbances began when she was in middle school. She explained that she had, “...bouts of existential dread and sadness and terror and feelings of wanting to isolate and wanting to be alone…but then that matched with anxiety and little spurts of rage and at times a day or two in a row of feeling amazing.”

As an adult, she would experience manic episodes which were not what she would call fun or exciting.

She explains, “Sometimes in a manic episode, I would just decide to clean my entire house and rearrange the furniture. Stay up all night writing something and then the next day I would look at all the things I wrote and be like, ‘None of that makes sense. None of it is good.’”

She went on to say, “There’s a common stereotype that when a bipolar person is in their mania, it’s their fun side. Might look fun, but it’s actually just exhausting and impulsive and you’re like ‘Why can’t I stop?’ and then the crash shortly after that.”

She shares that everyone’s experience with depression looks different, but for her, it’s “isolation, despair, and sometimes paired with agoraphobia.”
Interviews With SELF Magazine

SELF magazine is a wellness magazine that wrote an article entitled “This Is What It's Actually Like to Live With Bipolar Disorder.”

They interviewed seven women to find out what their life with bipolar was like. Here are some quotes pulled from those interviews.

One woman named Sabrina describes her bipolar:

I have bipolar NOS, which means 'not otherwise specified.' I don't have bipolar I or II; my symptoms include aspects of both. Before I was diagnosed by a psychiatric nurse practitioner (and later confirmed by a general practitioner), I experienced a long depressive state, while at the same time having prolonged bouts of creativity where it felt like I had access to every emotion ever.

She went on to say that she also struggled with insomnia and uncontrollable spending. She accrued an enormous amount of debt and felt that she pushed friends away during her periods of depression.

Another woman named Anna talks about what it’s like to have mixed episodes where she has symptoms of depression as well as hypomania.

Mixed episodes scare me the most. That's where I feel like I completely lose myself. It's not just that I'm depressed and think that I'm worthless, but I have the energy to do something about it.

In mixed episodes, I've put myself in dangerous situations or excessively used substances. I've ruined relationships because I didn't think I was deserving of love. Being hypomanic tends to make me less hungry, but in times of mixed episodes, I restrict my food intake as a means of self-harm. It's not exactly an eating disorder, but it's definitely disordered eating.

A woman named Eryn talks about her life with bipolar II disorder,

I was diagnosed with bipolar II by a psychiatrist when I was about 30. Before I was diagnosed, my manic states were becoming very high, and my lows were becoming very low. In a manic phase, I would clean non-stop and talk incessantly, always plotting the next grand scheme for my life. Of course, I never followed through with any of these plans. I would also become reckless with my behavior.


Learn more about your health online when you read the rest of our information here about: BiPolar Disorder guide and also download the free health report available there!

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